Can't Sleep

March 9 2001

I write this to you, Alice. It is an endless diary. For as long as I love you, I will write this. What did it feel like? When you flew down from heaven?

I heard you sing in art class today. A simple song. You were wearing such a beautiful white dress. It was knee-length. That Is another reason I love you. Your not like all the other girls, trying to pawn their bodies off to every boy they met. That kind of innocence is so angelic.

When I saw Rodney ask you out, I felt like my heart was being ripped out. An anger boiled in my heart that day. I wanted to end Rodney's life. I could do it easily. I was blinded by rage that spread through my body.

I know what he does to all the girls he dates. He will ruin you. He doesn't deserve you; He has been cheating on you since the first day you went out with him. He deserved to die.

I know that you love him, but please don't be fooled. Don't let him ruin you.

Dylin

April 25 2001

I'm writing this, because I can't sleep, knowing that you are so far away from me. I wish you were here, beside me, your arm around my shoulder, and that despite my condition you would still love me. I wish that you would understand, who I am, what I am and my role in life, but no one ever does. No one would believe, that I'm the one who balances the universe.

I wish you were with me as I watch the planets orbit the sun; as I fly through different worlds . I wish you could watch the sunset. As the world closes its tired eyes, the sky would flare with golden red light.

I wish you were with me when I saw the moon. It was giant. It looked like I could reach out and touch it. I could Imagen you there; smiling with you angelic face lit up by the blue light of the moon.

Even as my words pour onto these pages, I keep seeing images of you smiling, laughing. I remember when someone told you a joke. Your eyes would sparkle with humor.

All these pictures, these thoughts, remind me of how much I love you. My heart longs for you in a way that I didn't know was possible.

But I knew for a fact that Rodney would be sleeping with another girl tonight. He always does, you know. A demon with good looks. Repulsive.

I'm sorry that I can't help you, that I can't show you how much I love you. I wish I could.

I love you, oh One that is so far away,

Dylin

July 1 2001

I write to you, Alice, holder of my heart. I remember the first time you talked to me, Your eyes glistened with unshed tears. I asked you what was wrong. You wouldn't tell me. So I sat down next to you, and took your hands. They had an elegance that I couldn't describe. I look into her eyes, and whispered “Know this, you will always be beautiful. It doesn't matter what people say.”

Even at a young age you were breathtakingly beautiful. I thought you were an angel. I wasn't far from the truth. Everything about you is angelic; the way you walk as if gliding down the streets of heaven, the way you smile makes everything perfect, the way your golden hair catches in the shafts of sunlight and rivals the ever burning fires of heaven, the way your blue eyes seem to whisper quiet melodies of laughter. But most importantly your heart is what makes me love you. Like I, you believe in truth and justice. You are beautiful in every way.

I will dream angelic dreams of you,

Dylin

August 12 2001

I saw you in the mall today. You had your arms wrapped around his waist. Rodney. IT felt wrong him being with you. Light and darkness do not mix. Heaven and hell where not made to be together.

Why do you love him? What is it that you see in him? If there is anybody in the whole world who does not deserve you it is him. Why can't you see that?

Dylin

November 5 2001

I was in the school yard today when I saw you running away crying, I knew that you had found out that he had been cheating on you the whole time.

The cries were pain-filled. Etched from the bottom of your broken heart. They were hurt.

I spent the rest of the day looking for you, but I didn't find you.

Please return,

Dylin

November 7 2001

They found your body. They said it was suicide. I try to believe that you are still alive somewhere, some how, but I know that you are gone.

This is wrong, so wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe if I had asked you out before Rodney did this would have been different. I can't with you so far away from me. Death now separates us. It's like half of me just shattered. It's like I don't want to live anymore. It's unfair that Rodney lives and you die, he should be dead not you. It's not meant to be like this; this is torment.

Come back to me Alice. Please come back. I need you with me very being. You're not meant to be dead, but someone is going to pay. I swear on everything that is left of me SOMEONE WILL PAY WITH THEIR LIFE.

Do you think this is a JOKE RODNEY? Do you think you can't just PLAY WITH SOMEONES EMOTIONS? You will feel the pain she felt. I swear with all that is left with my life you will pay Rodney.

Your killer,

Dylin